Testimony

Eating Disorders Testimony

When I was a teenager I began to think that I was eating too much and was worrying about my weight. I began weighing myself daily and began to crash diet on a regular basis. I became a Christian when I was 14, however because I had been sexually abused as an 11 year old and was being bullied at school, I found my relationship with God rather distant. I think this all led to me suffering with bulimia by the time I was 16, which meant I was binge-eating and making myself vomit. I became depressed and started to suffer with panic attacks, which made it difficult to socialise. As my bingeing grew worse, I began to put food before everything else and gradually I began to lose all my friends.

By the time I was 18 I was also taking laxatives and had begun to cut myself, along with starving and was also drinking too much. I found myself admitted to an eating disorders unit and gained some weight. However, things continued to go downhill as I became addicted to other drugs. I wasn’t eating anything and couldn’t go out without a drink and a handful of pills. I was admitted back to a psychiatric ward for 4 months.

During this time I continued to lose weight and after I was discharged the weight continued to drop off until at 4 stone I eventually overdosed on about 300 antidepressants resulting in a stay in intensive care on a life support machine.

I did gain weight once I recovered from this incident, but my life remained in turmoil as I continued to drink heavily, overdose on anything I could, and was cutting myself very badly. I even poured kettles of boiling water over myself and damaged myself in ways I don’t even want to go into.

I became addicted to horror movies and could sense an evil presence in my room at night. I didn’t know how to deal with it and I didn’t know where God was anymore. I also had nasty flashbacks following a rape at a nightclub. I kept screaming in the night and waking everyone up. It was very frightening and haunted me all night long. The fear and despair were indescribable.

I did some awful things at home which led to my parents not being able to cope with me any longer and having me admitted back to the psychiatric ward for a further 7 months where I was then transferred to a specific self-harm unit. My self-harm grew worse and worse as the patients competed to see who could harm themselves in the worst possible way. Nobody left that place without bandages on them.

Then my life suddenly changed. During a weekend’s leave I had overdosed and did not report it until I got back to the unit. I was told I had to take a week’s instant leave as a punishment for this and had to find somewhere to go immediately. Mum and dad were furious with me and would not take me back. I felt abandoned, rejected and unloved. In a state of utter despair and desperation I telephoned Freedom in Christ who put me into a host family in an Anglican church a couple of hours away from my home.

I was in a really bad state and was severely drugged, my arms in extensive bandaging and was starving myself. I felt very suicidal and trapped. I felt that my life was out of my control, I was in the hands of the evil presence that seemed to materialise before me regularly from the horror films I had watched, who made me do the things that I had done. It felt like there was no way out.

I gave the family a very difficult time during that first week. They arranged for me to have a freedom appointment, which meant going through the Steps To Freedom later that week. At the beginning of the day I was so tied up in bondage but by the end of the 8 hour session God had set me free – completely free!

I’ve stayed with them ever since (8 weeks at the time of writing). They have helped me to understand stronghold busting and taking thoughts captive, which they encourage me to do daily and they are there for me every time I get a bad thought that needs renouncing. They are supporting me whilst I’m still learning to walk in the freedom God has given me. I work four days a week in the church centre.

A few weeks ago I would never have believed all of this – I could not even talk or see sense and now I am working! I can really worship God in spirit and in truth and I want to live my life for Jesus – yet a few weeks ago I wanted to be dead.

God is so good and has set me completely free and filled me with his love, joy and peace – AMAZING JOY! If he can do it for me, he can do it for anyone!

Praise be to God our Saviour. When I was weeping, he heard my cry. When I was hurting, he was there and rescued me from all my pain.